The Random Albums Game

1 - Go to "wikipedia." Hit "random"
or click http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Special:Random
The first random wikipedia article you get is the name of your band.

2 - Go to "Random quotations"
or click http://www.quotationspage.com/random.php3
The last four or five words of the very last quote of the page is the title of your first album.

3 - Go to flickr and click on "explore the last seven days"
or click http://www.flickr.com/explore/interesting/7days
Third picture, no matter what it is, will be your album cover.

4 - Use Photoshop, the Gimp or a similar program to put it all together. Maybe you can do it in Picnik or whatever that web-based thing all the kids are using is.

5 - Post it to FB with this text in the "caption" and TAG the friends you want to join in.

This reminds me a lot of the DaDaist (or maybe it's Surrealist) game "Exquisite Corpse," very random yet creative. This should be especially fun for any graphic designers, artists, photographers, or cartoonists out there. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Exquisite_corpse

PS- I give you "Gimp," free download, not QUITE as cool as Photoshop, but fun for those who have to do without. http://www.gimp.org/

Great moments in psychological hygiene

Mal•Adjusted

This is gonna sound counter intuitive...

Last year I felt bad that I hadn't really done any work to pursue cartooning as a career. I made a Jonathan Winters quote as my motto- "if you ship hasn't come in, swim out to it."

I sent columns and cartoons to 8 or 9 syndicates and got rejected by every single one. Boy was I discouraged. This on about the time that I backed out of writing and cartooning for our small local weekly newspaper too (long story, kinda personal) gist of it is it was a hard time for me.

Now realistically I understand that this was only one attempt and most successful professional writers and cartoonists wage campaign after campaign for years before they hit get anywhere. I also have come to understand that most of them also have day jobs. But recently I've been reading "Man's Search for Meaning" by Viktor Frankl and I think I have a very different outlook than I used to. (I know, an existentialist psychiatrist's tale of NAZI concentration camp survival- kind of heavy reading for an aspiring cartoonist right? We're all supposed to be zany and light hearted, right?)

One is finding meaning. I've come to believe that any good artist, and certainly me as a high school Art teacher has the same role as that of a good psychologist- "The logotherapist's role consists of widening and broadening the visual field of the patient (viewer/reader/student) so that the whole spectrum of potential meaning becomes conscious and visible to him."

I know, profound, huh?

Anyway, I also found something else very meaningful in Dr. Frankl's masterpiece:
"Don't aim at success- the more you aim at it and make it a target, the more you are going to miss it. For success, like happiness, cannot be pursued; it must ensue, and it only does so as the unintended side-effect of one's personal dedication to a cause greater than one's self or as the by-product of one's surrender to a person other than oneself. Happiness must happen, and the same holds for success:you have to let it happen by not caring about it... listen to what your conscience commands you to do and go carry it out to the best of your knowledge... -in the long run- success will follow you precisely because you had forgotten to think of it."

So in other words, I'm going to start using reverse-psychology on the universe. The freedom is that there's no pressure. I only cartoon what I want to when I want to and I totally get to cartoon however I want to. Cartooning for cartoons sake. Kind of like art for art's sake. The down side is that posting these cartoons here for free all the time is a lousy business model. I only hope that I can forget to think about how I'm trying to play this sly trick on the universe in hopes that God will reward me by making me an obscenely rich and successful writer and cartoonist someday.

Of course, Frankl also really emphasized that bit about it being "in the loooong run," He actually wrote, "Then you will live to see that in the long run---in the long run, I say!---" and between having adult A.D.D. and the fact that my original campaign of mailing cartoons to syndicates was pretty much my version of a midlife crisis- it's REALLY hard to have the patience for anything real long range. It may be pretty tough to forget to think about how I'm trying to convince Providence that I really couldn't care less. Like a watched pot not boiling, I may have to keep peeking over my shoulder to make sure God's noticing how much I don't care if I ever get to write or cartoon for a living, let alone win a bunch of awards and sell a bunch of books.

This dilemma is what Frankl would refer to as hyper-intention, which is where you want something too much so you end up making it impossible to ever get and hyper-reflection, which is a neurosis where you can't stop thinking about something. These what he contends is the cause of most sexual dysfunction in both men and women. Ah ha, but see, writing this somewhat satirical blog entry poking fun at myself for being so over analytical about it all is what he'd call "dereflecting," or engaging in a therapy known as "paridoxical-intention." That means I'm so charmingly self-efacing in my humorous essay about cavalierly and nonchalantly not caring about whether or not I ever get anywhere as either a writer of cartoonist that God's GOT TO see how sincere I am and go ahead and give me what I USED to want but now couldn't care less about (but if He INSISTED on blessing me that way, I guess I'd have to be gracious and accept it even though I don't really want it anymore). He's just GOT TO!

Isn't this the most sincere pumpkin patch you've ever seen? Nothing but sincerity as far as the eye can see.

But seriously, I don't know if this is how metaphysics work, or just how my maladjusted mind plays tricks on me, but I know that all through junior high and high school and some of college I was absolutely miserable because I didn't have a girlfriend and finally I told God, "screw it, I give up!" And that's about the time that He dropped my wife into my life. So maybe there is something to it.

Completely coincidentally, I named my religious cartoons "Sheep in wolves' clothing" before I ever read "Man's Search for Meaning," and it's kind of one of his ideas. I THINK I can get away with it without having to pay his descendants or estate any royalties because he didn't quite use the exact same wording- he said "one may howl with the wolves, if need be, but when doing so, one should be, I would urge, a sheep in wolf's clothing." Of course now I feel OBLIGATED to draw more of them and they have to all be amazingly deep and meaningful and powerful and perfect and all that in order to be worthy of the name, so now I've got THAT hanging over me. Sheesh.

Well, they say that a picture is supposed to be worth a thousand words and I always meant to just make this a quick, short little entry here and not bore people with something so flippin' long, so I guess I'll stop now. Dang it! Why can't I ever do ANYTHING right?! Stupid! STUPID!

Vortex

Doing my noö-dynamic best to stay out of the existential vacuum.

Wish this was in 3D

Here we go again

I think what this country needs now are more tax cuts for the rich and less regulation on business!

Mal•Adjusted

"The neurotic who learns to laugh at himself may be on the way to self-management." Psychologist, Gordon W. Allport

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Phun in Photoshop

Remember the old Murphy Brown show? Recall how on the inside of her office door, she had a dartboard and famous politicians and media types often found themselves there? Like Dan Quayle. Well, here's my answer to it. Now that I have the template, I can put any perceived villain in the Polaroid. Fun way to blow off steam, huh?

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One last dig

Note that Bush is Mickey Mouse (cannibalized that caricature from previous cartoon I did) and Washington is annoyed (I actually did that in Photoshop). The "Our enemies..." bit is an actual quote, one of the top three dumb "Bushisms." By the way "Misunderestimated" is a real Bushism too, although "Stategery" is not, it was made up by comedian Will Ferrel, but "misunderestimated" really was made up by our previous president.

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Gonzo Girl Rides Again!!!

Here's one that illustrates Florida humor writer Sammie Mays' story, "Fear and Funk on the Overseas Highway" that was published in the Coconut Telegraph in March 2008

This cartoon is going to be used as the visual for "fear and funk on the overseas highway" being reprinted in the upcoming book: "bars scars & guitars /the official gonzo guide to Key West and the Florida Keys".

Sammie in the Keys

This cartoon is an illustration for humor writer Sammie Mays' story "Damn the Carnations: Full Speed Ahead," originally published in the Florida Keys Keynoter (Marathon, FL) June 2007

I don't get technology

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Mal•Adjusted

Money money money money

"Our economy is badly weakened, a consequence of greed and irresponsibility on the part of some, but also our collective failure to make hard choices and prepare the nation for a new age...

...I say to you that the challenges we face are real. They are serious and they are many. They will not be met easily or in a short span of time. But know this, America: They will be met.

On this day, we gather because we have chosen hope over fear, unity of purpose over conflict and discord.

On this day, we come to proclaim an end to the petty grievances and false promises, the recriminations and worn-out dogmas, that for far too long have strangled our politics.

We remain a young nation, but in the words of Scripture, the time has come to set aside childish things (1 Corinthians 13:11). The time has come to reaffirm our enduring spirit; to choose our better history; to carry forward that precious gift, that noble idea, passed on from generation to generation: the God-given promise that all are equal, all are free, and all deserve a chance to pursue their full measure of happiness." ~BHO Inaugural address Jan 20, 2009

In other words, it's time to stop being selfish and short sighted and "Man-up," put on our "big-boy pants" and start looking out for our common best interest, not our personal comfort. High time. I say to this Amen.

Steve King would be rolling over in his grave, but he's not dead

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Happy Renewal Day America!

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Their job, to make him look bad

Call it a preemptive strike. I don't know how long the honeymoon will last, and I want to try to keep an open mind and be willing to be critical when he does mess up, but you know the day will come when this cartoon is totally applicable, for all we know it may even be Wednesday already. I heard Newt Gingrich on NPR this morning and yadda yadda yadda, Republicans need to blame Bush, but we can't let the "LIBERAL" Democrats get away with too much, yadda yadda, position-himself-for-2012.

A public service announcement

My 9 year old did this. She says it's supposed to be happy and positive, but I just can't help seeing an over developed sense of sarcasm and irony here. It sort of reminds me of that Eagle's song, "Get over it." Anyway, before I started worrying about her mental health, I thought it was hilarious (and pretty) so I thought I should post it here- especially since I'd posted a cartoon by her younger sister already.

Now, back to the soul-deadening work of quantifying assessments that align with state "essential elements," standards and benchmarks. Some days teaching is inspirational and meaningful like Robin William's "Dead Poet's Society" or Whoopie Goldberg's "Sister Act," but some days it's more like being trapped in a Dilbert strip.

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Genuine issue- in Montana, Google it.

Mal tries his hand at playing Ralph Steadman for a female Hunter S. Thompson

Here is my first cartoon featuring "Mayor Gonzo," illustrating one of her wild stories. Sammie Mays, rubber chicken toting Honorary Mayor of Key West, Florida, is a feature humor writer, t.v. host, former member of National Enquirer's elite 'Foreign Legion of Journalists.' You can read some of her tropical madness at saminthekeys.com

Mayor Sam-I-Am was evidently a reader of mine, although I don't know of which blog (since I have too many of them). Sometime last year she contacted me and suggested that I might take a stab at tapping into her craziness and trying to cartoon some of it. A lot of water has run under the Overseas Highway since then, but I've finally gotten a few free moments when the creative blocks cleared- so here it is. This particular one is from a column she wrote about Merle Haggard called "Too Vile to Publish." Watch this space for more "Gonzotoons" in the coming months.

I don't know how many of these I'll manage to get done or how often or how soon. I don't even know if Mayor Sam will like them, but I like Hunter S. Thompson, Hemingway and Jimmy Buffett, so why not have a little fun and draw some surreal cartoons to accompany a few sailor's tales once in a while. Maybe this square nerd from Arizona, living in tall corn country (where it's currently 4°F) can make a name for himself by collaborating with a blond Conch and fellow parrot-head. Who knows? Maybe she'll smuggle me a Cuban stogie for my trouble.

Come to think of it, I'm already pretty famous there, the main gathering place in Key West, also known as the Conch Republic is "Mallory Square."

Red, Ned, Fred, and Dad in bed

"Why don't you ever put any of MY articles in the newspaper?" complained Ellen, my seven year old. Well, first of all because I don't own a newspaper, I no longer even get my articles published in one and what she thinks is an article is a cartoon.

Ellen liked 'Hop on Pop' "back when she was a little kid," although she's much less of a Seuss fan now. But she saw me posting my homage to Seuss that represented the danger that "conservative" Christians run of damaging their credibility by throwing their lot in with the likes of other Republican interest groups. Obviously a seven year old doesn't understand the nuances of political satire or (thank God) the sexual innuendo implicit in the idiom "to be in bed with someone."

But being the doting Daddy, I do what I can, so here (in partial homage now to Bill Keane) I present my daughter's cartoon, which as far as I know, has no intended political commentary or opinion. Her Mom thinks that the giant peppermint with wings on the bed's headboard represents "visions of sugar plumbs dancing in their heads." No comment from the artist herself on the accuracy of that interpretation- Christmas, after all was now almost a month ago.

This, you should know, is not the work as it was originally intended. Annamarie, Ellen's four year old little sister, found the drawing sitting around and took it upon herself to "color" it. She had shaded the right hand side of the bedspread (blanket? Quilt?) before a livid Ellen caught her and ordered her out of her life forever. Personally, I think she did a pretty good job of staying inside the lines for a four year old, although instead of just pencil, I would've chosen a crayon or marker to give the thing some actual color. But what do I know? I'm just the Dad.

Another possible interpretation: Ellen did tell me that the second person in from the left has an ice pack on their head, so I'm wondering if THAT person is supposed to be either me or my wife and the other three represent our daughters- as in "these kids are giving me SUCH a headache!"

Just a theory.

Deregulation run amuck

And we wonder why we wound up with a "culture of corruption."

Politics; the Republican coalition

There, less is more, right? I like this version a lot better. PLUS, this time I spelled "Strange" with an "r."

Politics; in bed with the Devil

I've wanted to do this one for a while, but couldn't find our copy of Hop on Pop.

This is the crux of all I believe about the Republican Party. Not Republicans themselves, mind you. Many of my closest friends and best loved relatives are Republicans, but let's face it- as the cartoon points out, those religious and social conservatives are "in bed" with corrupt corporatism, and plenty of other unsavory characters.

This cartoon is how I see it. You're certainly entitled to disagree, the point is just to make you think.

Yet, I'm not sure I'm happy with how it came out. I may take another stab at it soon- plus I'd kind of like to develop this post into something for my writing blog. But for now, I was able to let off the steam a little.

Happy NEW YEAR!!!!

Aint this cute?

Here's a button I just designed for the 2009 "Concordia Cub's Week" at Lake Okaboji Lutheran Summer Camp.

Alternative Holiday

Wal Mart was already putting up their Valentine's junk on Christmas Eve, so I figure; if we're ever going to get this "alternative holiday" off the ground, we have to start early! Spread the word!

Learn how you can help by re-reading some of my annual Arizona Statehood Day columns:
http://tedscolumn.blogspot.com/search/label/Arizona%20Statehood%20Day


MySpace Countdowns

NEW YEAR, NEW MOTTO

"Whether you succeed or not is irrelevant -- there is no such thing. Making your unknown known is the important thing." ~Georgia O'Keeffe

I tried swimming out when my ship hadn't come in. I think that was pretty much just a midlife crisis. Not long ago I said on my mal•toons Facebook group that I'd decided to cartoon for "you" (whoever that is, readers of this blog, members of that Facebook group, a vague, general "you?").

Who do writers write for? Who do dancers dance for? Who do actors act or singers sing for? Who do poets po fo? Who do butchers butch for? (okay, maybe that analogy doesn't work as well). The point is, screw ever "making it," If I'm going to bother to cartoon, I should just cartoon for cartooning sake.

May your 2009 be a billion times better for you than my 2008 was for me. Screw "success," just keep making the unknown known!

Mal•Adjusted

I was about to write something lame like "Eliot likes to write songs about cheese," but then I figured, what the heck, make it into a New Year's cartoon.