No Mr. Bond-Market, I expect you to DIE!

Sometimes the phonetic pronunciation fits more than others

Ever feel this way?

Lord, let me make a difference for you that is utterly disproportionate to who I am.

--John Piper

Low Tech Devices

Cartoon for August 7 Mapleton PRESS

"I love sweet corn. It truly is better than sex! I'm not lying! All across the Midwest tonight, a husband and wife will finish what husbands and wives do, and the wife will ask the husband: "How was that?" And, if the man is honest, he'll say "Well, it wasn't sweet corn, but it was nice." It's a fact! Sweet corn is better than sex!...fresh sweet corn!...Store bought sweet corn, yes, sex is definitely better than that!" ~Garrison Keillor


HOMEGROWN TOMATOES, by Guy Clark

Ain't nothin' in the world that I like better
Than bacon & lettuce & homegrown tomatoes
Up in the mornin' out in the garden

Get you a ripe one don't get a hard one
Plant `em in the spring eat `em in the summer
All winter with out `em's a culinary bummer
I forget all about the sweatin' & diggin'
Everytime I go out & pick me a big one

Homegrown tomatoes homegrown tomatoes
What'd life be without homegrown tomatoes
Only two things that money can't buy
That's true love & homegrown tomatoes

You can go out to eat & that's for sure
But it's nothin' a homegrown tomato won't cure
Put `em in a salad, put `em in a stew
You can make your very own tomato juice
Eat `em with egss, eat `em with gravy
Eat `em with beans, pinto or navy
Put `em on the site put `em in the middle
Put a homegrown tomato on a hotcake griddle

If I's to change this life I lead
I'd be Johnny Tomato Seed
`Cause I know what this country needs
Homegrown tomatoes in every yard you see
When I die don't bury me
In a box in a cemetery
Out in the garden would be much better
I could be pushin' up homegrown tomatoes

Screw politics (this week)

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This is the third time that I've used this old Polaroid gimmick now, I'll have to be careful not to over do it, but I really think that it's a fun gag.

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I don't know if it was Garrison Keillor or who, that said that men basically get a favorite haircut and then try to stick with it for the rest of their lives.

"If Dracula can't see his reflection in a mirror, how come his hair is always so neatly combed? " ~ Steven Wright

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I think I like using a smaller type size better for the captions. Makes it look a lot less clunky.

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Why not?

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In the interest of full disclosure, so that no one accuses me of plagiarism, this is actually a direct quote from Teddy Roosevelt's daughter Alice, eccentric Washington socialite especially during the administration of her Dad's cousin Franklin. But in this case, I just thought that the name Lauraine was a lot funnier than Alice would be. Lauraine looks a little bit like my mom, and a little like may late great Aunt Ellen, maybe my friend Michelle, a reporter for the Mapleton PRESS. We've all known somebody like Alice/Lauraine, right?

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I was going to name this guy Bob, but he looks a little too much like my neighbor Bob, who is a really nice guy and I didn't want to risk having Bob think I was trying to make fun of him. Maybe I'll name some other character Bob, so long as they don't look like my neighbor Bob.

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She also works as a substitute English teacher

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We all know somebody like Everett, don't we? Often they suffer from halitosis on top of it.

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