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Their job, to make him look bad

Call it a preemptive strike. I don't know how long the honeymoon will last, and I want to try to keep an open mind and be willing to be critical when he does mess up, but you know the day will come when this cartoon is totally applicable, for all we know it may even be Wednesday already. I heard Newt Gingrich on NPR this morning and yadda yadda yadda, Republicans need to blame Bush, but we can't let the "LIBERAL" Democrats get away with too much, yadda yadda, position-himself-for-2012.

A public service announcement

My 9 year old did this. She says it's supposed to be happy and positive, but I just can't help seeing an over developed sense of sarcasm and irony here. It sort of reminds me of that Eagle's song, "Get over it." Anyway, before I started worrying about her mental health, I thought it was hilarious (and pretty) so I thought I should post it here- especially since I'd posted a cartoon by her younger sister already.

Now, back to the soul-deadening work of quantifying assessments that align with state "essential elements," standards and benchmarks. Some days teaching is inspirational and meaningful like Robin William's "Dead Poet's Society" or Whoopie Goldberg's "Sister Act," but some days it's more like being trapped in a Dilbert strip.

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Genuine issue- in Montana, Google it.

Mal tries his hand at playing Ralph Steadman for a female Hunter S. Thompson

Here is my first cartoon featuring "Mayor Gonzo," illustrating one of her wild stories. Sammie Mays, rubber chicken toting Honorary Mayor of Key West, Florida, is a feature humor writer, t.v. host, former member of National Enquirer's elite 'Foreign Legion of Journalists.' You can read some of her tropical madness at saminthekeys.com

Mayor Sam-I-Am was evidently a reader of mine, although I don't know of which blog (since I have too many of them). Sometime last year she contacted me and suggested that I might take a stab at tapping into her craziness and trying to cartoon some of it. A lot of water has run under the Overseas Highway since then, but I've finally gotten a few free moments when the creative blocks cleared- so here it is. This particular one is from a column she wrote about Merle Haggard called "Too Vile to Publish." Watch this space for more "Gonzotoons" in the coming months.

I don't know how many of these I'll manage to get done or how often or how soon. I don't even know if Mayor Sam will like them, but I like Hunter S. Thompson, Hemingway and Jimmy Buffett, so why not have a little fun and draw some surreal cartoons to accompany a few sailor's tales once in a while. Maybe this square nerd from Arizona, living in tall corn country (where it's currently 4°F) can make a name for himself by collaborating with a blond Conch and fellow parrot-head. Who knows? Maybe she'll smuggle me a Cuban stogie for my trouble.

Come to think of it, I'm already pretty famous there, the main gathering place in Key West, also known as the Conch Republic is "Mallory Square."

Red, Ned, Fred, and Dad in bed

"Why don't you ever put any of MY articles in the newspaper?" complained Ellen, my seven year old. Well, first of all because I don't own a newspaper, I no longer even get my articles published in one and what she thinks is an article is a cartoon.

Ellen liked 'Hop on Pop' "back when she was a little kid," although she's much less of a Seuss fan now. But she saw me posting my homage to Seuss that represented the danger that "conservative" Christians run of damaging their credibility by throwing their lot in with the likes of other Republican interest groups. Obviously a seven year old doesn't understand the nuances of political satire or (thank God) the sexual innuendo implicit in the idiom "to be in bed with someone."

But being the doting Daddy, I do what I can, so here (in partial homage now to Bill Keane) I present my daughter's cartoon, which as far as I know, has no intended political commentary or opinion. Her Mom thinks that the giant peppermint with wings on the bed's headboard represents "visions of sugar plumbs dancing in their heads." No comment from the artist herself on the accuracy of that interpretation- Christmas, after all was now almost a month ago.

This, you should know, is not the work as it was originally intended. Annamarie, Ellen's four year old little sister, found the drawing sitting around and took it upon herself to "color" it. She had shaded the right hand side of the bedspread (blanket? Quilt?) before a livid Ellen caught her and ordered her out of her life forever. Personally, I think she did a pretty good job of staying inside the lines for a four year old, although instead of just pencil, I would've chosen a crayon or marker to give the thing some actual color. But what do I know? I'm just the Dad.

Another possible interpretation: Ellen did tell me that the second person in from the left has an ice pack on their head, so I'm wondering if THAT person is supposed to be either me or my wife and the other three represent our daughters- as in "these kids are giving me SUCH a headache!"

Just a theory.

Deregulation run amuck

And we wonder why we wound up with a "culture of corruption."

Politics; the Republican coalition

There, less is more, right? I like this version a lot better. PLUS, this time I spelled "Strange" with an "r."

Politics; in bed with the Devil

I've wanted to do this one for a while, but couldn't find our copy of Hop on Pop.

This is the crux of all I believe about the Republican Party. Not Republicans themselves, mind you. Many of my closest friends and best loved relatives are Republicans, but let's face it- as the cartoon points out, those religious and social conservatives are "in bed" with corrupt corporatism, and plenty of other unsavory characters.

This cartoon is how I see it. You're certainly entitled to disagree, the point is just to make you think.

Yet, I'm not sure I'm happy with how it came out. I may take another stab at it soon- plus I'd kind of like to develop this post into something for my writing blog. But for now, I was able to let off the steam a little.

Happy NEW YEAR!!!!

Aint this cute?

Here's a button I just designed for the 2009 "Concordia Cub's Week" at Lake Okaboji Lutheran Summer Camp.

Alternative Holiday

Wal Mart was already putting up their Valentine's junk on Christmas Eve, so I figure; if we're ever going to get this "alternative holiday" off the ground, we have to start early! Spread the word!

Learn how you can help by re-reading some of my annual Arizona Statehood Day columns:
http://tedscolumn.blogspot.com/search/label/Arizona%20Statehood%20Day


MySpace Countdowns

NEW YEAR, NEW MOTTO

"Whether you succeed or not is irrelevant -- there is no such thing. Making your unknown known is the important thing." ~Georgia O'Keeffe

I tried swimming out when my ship hadn't come in. I think that was pretty much just a midlife crisis. Not long ago I said on my mal•toons Facebook group that I'd decided to cartoon for "you" (whoever that is, readers of this blog, members of that Facebook group, a vague, general "you?").

Who do writers write for? Who do dancers dance for? Who do actors act or singers sing for? Who do poets po fo? Who do butchers butch for? (okay, maybe that analogy doesn't work as well). The point is, screw ever "making it," If I'm going to bother to cartoon, I should just cartoon for cartooning sake.

May your 2009 be a billion times better for you than my 2008 was for me. Screw "success," just keep making the unknown known!

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I was about to write something lame like "Eliot likes to write songs about cheese," but then I figured, what the heck, make it into a New Year's cartoon.

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Ever feel this way?

Lord, let me make a difference for you that is utterly disproportionate to who I am.

--John Piper

Ho ho ho

Happy (or at least healthy) Holidays!

I hadn't made any collages for a while, nor had I made any real social/political commentary for a while. This seemed to fit the spirit of the season this year. Hope Santa brings you everything you need (get it?).

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Journalism is dead, killed by corporate media

From Daryl Cagle's Professional Cartoonist Index's BLOG-

"I was sorry to read that Brian Duffy was laid off today. Brian was famous for being one of only two cartoonists in the nation who's cartoon appeared on the front page of the newspaper every day (the other is Corky Trinidad). Our condolences go out to Brian, who is an excellent cartoonist and we apprciate his contributions to our site. See Brian's cartoon archive here."

What is wrong with Gannett? What is wrong with newspapers all across this country? Think I should mail samples of my work to the Register? Just kidding. Seriously, Duffy is one of the greats. Why would they treat him like that? What a shame.

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A thousand words oughta be worth at least a picture or two.

I may not be writing a weekly column for the Mapleton PRESS anymore, but I have tried to clean-up and organize six years of columns and made them easier to find on my main blog. Why not peruse through the humor, history and humus. It's full of "Sex, Politics, and Religion- not necessarily in that order." Or at least, liberal politics, the my misadventures parenting three little girls, and the joys of living in small town Iowa and good old fashioned Midwestern, down to earth common sense Lutheranism.

At least take a look at a couple of columns and give it a chance. Visit http://tedscolumn.blogspot.com or click one of the categories below-

BEST OF TED

• Arizona Statehood Day (Feb 14)
• Book Reports
• Christmas interviews with Santa
• Economic Crisis
• Embarassed by Steve King
• Fourth of July
• History Buffs, read this
• I ♥ Iowa
• Kids say the darnedest things
• Meaningful Quotations
• Support our Vets
• Talking about Religion
• Ted's Kitchen
• Thanksgiving Treats
• The snow blower lesson
• The time I locked my keys in the car
• The war in Iraq
• Yes, I coach Cheerleading

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No offense to anyone living or dead, any resemblance to real persons is unintentional but probable. Names are usually changed to protect the innocent. (Of course, at least a third of the girls in my class were named Jennifer, another third were Julie, and the last third was made up of various Brittanys, Megans, and Christys, Kristys, etc.)

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Hannibal rode an elephant

Guess I'm feeling tired of having fellow Christians doubt the veracity of my faith because of my politics. Plus I think that this collage thing is a lot of fun and every bit as powerful as drawing, so I've added a label to several of my past cartoons that employ it- "Guerilla Collage." Expect a lot more of it since I'm not trying to impress Daryl Cagle into syndicating me anymore.

'nother one

I don't know why this one sounds so congenial to me, when she says herself that it's a form letter in the very first line. Alas, whatchyagonnado? Guess I'm meant to wallow in obscurity and merely do this as a hobby. Kinda tough to stay motivated, but I've been trying.

Prophet, Priest, and PIRATE

I don't mean to undermine anyone's faith or to promote heresy, but when I read Jesus' Words, especially in Matthew 5 and Luke 6, I see something radically different than what televangelists, radio prophets and Republican politicians espousing. Scurvy, bilge-sucking, sons of biscuit-eaters!

Jesus is our prophet, our priest and our king- and calls us to be the same , representing God to the world, interceding for others to Him, and leading by example. But when you're a bit of a rouge, you've got little choice but to weigh anchor and hoist the mizzen without the benefit of letters of Marque as a corsair, don't ya?!

If you've never visited my other blog that focuses on issues of faith and prayer- take a look at "Prophet, Priest, and PIRATE" over at http://malloryprayer.blogspot.com

Oh, but beware, if you lean far to starboard, you may not like it there. Just like this blog, I lean more to port on the Pirate blog too. And if you'd rather not mix your politics and religion, better to stick to the ale and avoid the grog, land lubbers!

Here are some of the least political topics-

Bible Studies and Hot Topics

• Advent Devotions
• Fruit of the Spirit (Galations 5)
• Lenten Reflections
• Potent Quotes
• Sheep in Wolves' Clothing (cartoons)
  
• Spiritual Armor (Ephesians 6)
• Spiritual H.A.B.I.T.S.
• Studies of The Lord's Prayer
• Study of Matthew 5
• Study of Philippians
• The Prayer of Jabez

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Millicent reminds me of what I imagine child librarian, Anne Carroll Moore may have looked like when she tried to prevent E.B. White from getting 'Stuart Little' published. Mean 'ol bitty!

Okay, okay, I'll let you in on the big secret, Millicent was loosely based on an 1861 portrait of Civil War General John Cabell Breckinridge. Hope I didn't spoil it for you by taking away the magic. To my knowledge, he didn't dye his hair like Millicent, but he actually had much bulgier eyes.

Political Leanings of Selected Cartoon Characters

I found this surfing today and thought it was pretty funny-
Political Leanings of Selected Cartoon Characters

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Having been rejected by all the major syndicates and suspending my run in the Mapleton PRESS, I don't know if I have the discipline to continue cartooning very regularly "just for the love of it," but what the hell- if it's just for the love of it, who says I have to be disciplined?

I tried to appeal to their 'better angels,' but they wouldn't have it

No kidding, I reached out to right-winger friends on my main blog and on Facebook, and was met with a great deal of venom and bitterness. Obviously, if we're going to heal as a nation or cooperate across party lines, those of us on the left are going to have to give those on the right a while to cool off and get over their defeat.

On the editorial cartoon aficionado front, I've already noticed many more conservative cartoons on the American Association of Editorial Cartoonist (AAEC) website. Perhaps it's just as well that I didn't get anywhere as a political cartoonist, because Ed. Cartoonists are by definition members of the oposition and I'm just gullible enough to actually want to give hope a chance.

This one has been festering in me for months

So what if no one ever reads it. At least I got it out so it won't fester like a bad blister or a hangnail anymore.

Now, I really should go cold turkey on both the cartooning and the blogging. I seem to have ticked a lot of people off today over on my main blog , even though I though I was trying to be as humble and open and honest as I could.

Here's a tip; never talk about sex, politics, or religion if you don't want to offend people. Here's an example of talking about all 3 simultaneously- while I think abortion is bad, I don't think that it's the only moral issue voters should consider when they choose a candidate. Now, I was just being candid and was not deliberately trying to be inflammatory, but you'd be amazed at how provocative that one sentence can be, especially here on Iowa's "left coast."

Want to place any bets on how long I can stay away from blogging? God help me.