Calm Down

Mal•Adjusted

Mal•Adjusted

Cartoon for Thurs. Oct. 2

This ended up being the last cartoon I drew for the Mapleton PRESS- at least for a while. I don't know how long the hiatus will last, but my wife asked me to lay off of politics for a while. Democrats are pretty much a 20% minority where we live and not all of the 80%, but the most vocal extreme Republicans have made it hard on us.

I was pretty happy with myself. It's not often that I get it in one drawing. Usually I have to piece together several drawings or layers in Photoshop. Plus this is a local issue, going on in Denison, IA so I can give readers a break from the campaign. It should appeal to everybody- Liberals will like the pro-union stance, Conservatives will perceive it as being anti-illegal aliens.

Although, I have to say with only a month of Thursdays left before the vote, it's pretty hard to not draw an election cartoon- especially with McCain throwing another "hail Mary pass" by "suspending his campaign to focus on the mess he helped make!

Here's the original drawing too-

Mal•Adjusted

The long drought is over! Welcome to the return of "Mal•Adjusted!"
I can't promise anything, but I will TRY to start drawing these more regularly again. Look for them on Wednesdays or Fridays.

Introducing a brand new feature!

For a while now I've been thinking that I should create a venue for religious commentary. My column says it's about "sex, politics, and religion," but it never deals with sex and only rarely deals with religion. I do have a religious blog, http://malloryprayer.blogspot.com that ends up dealing with politics a lot. But not in cartoon form. So, here's an attempt. Just like with Mal•Adjusted, I can't promise anything, but I'd like to try to start drawing at least one a week. Look for them on Mondays (since Sunday is the day I'm most likely to be inspired either by the Lord, or the loony hypocrites who claim to follow Him.

These first two are pretty political in fact, being a donkey and an elephant. I'm afraid that you'll also find "h in wolves's Clothing" a little esoteric, that's because I want to encourage readers to think- and in the case of these first two, to look up a verse in Scripture. Because the best thing that any teacher or minister can say to you is "don't take my word for it, look it up!"

Here, I'll help you out THIS time- Ecc. 5: 10-15 is a great admonition for shallow, materialistic, upwardly mobile, day traders with a penchant for mortgage backed securities!

Whereas Ecc. 6:11 is something someone on the Straight Talk Express might say to someone more nuanced to let them know that they're not someone they'd like to have a beer with while watching hockey or NAASCAR.

Jon without Garfield

http://garfieldminusgarfield.net

This site was featured on the New Yorker's Cartoon Lounge (blog) and I just found it to be just about the craziest, existentially profound, DaDa-esque work of art I've ever seen. I've always found Garfield a little simple and commercial, the ultimate pop-culture on the comics page. About as far from Zippy the Pinhead or too Much Coffee Man as you can get. But take the lazy lasagna eating cat out of the picture and Freud and Sartre could both have a field day. You have to see it for yourself.

Garfield Minus Garfield is a site dedicated to removing Garfield from the Garfield comic strips in order to reveal the existential angst of a certain young Mr. Jon Arbuckle. It is a journey deep into the mind of an isolated young everyman as he fights a losing battle against loneliness and depression in a quiet American suburb.

Random Caricatures

Here are some caricatures from the summer including Grandpa McCain, Iowa Republican Congressman Steve-thinks he should be crowned-King, and of course, the self described pitbull in lipstick, Gov. Sarah Palin. I know this is a bad business model, but please right-click and save these images and attach them in emails or post them on your own web pages. Not only will that spread my name and cartoons around, it will propagate some satire during the last six weeks of this election!

More rejection

Got another rejection notice today. I thought going into this that it would never bother me, that it's all about the attempt, not the achievement. I figured I could be proud just for trying, after all, I can't really lose because I already have the most wonderful job in the world- helping kids how to see things differently as an Art teacher. But I have to admit that this is kind of a downer. Maybe it's just because somebody wrote a mile-long letter to the editor to the Mapleton PRESS recently raking me over the coals for being so hard on Sarah Palin.

Anyway, Washington Post Writer's Group is one of the more prestigious syndicates. They're Gary Trudeau's company. I've been a Doonesbury fan since I was too young to understand it- 10 or 12. Not only did it probably influence me wanting to become a cartoonist, but no doubt helped shape my politics and world view as well.

Who knows. Maybe it's not meant to be. There's plenty more syndicates that haven't sent a rejection letter yet.

Cartoon for the Sep 25, 2008 PRESS

One of the things I love to do is to use politicians own words against them. All of what Hoover is saying here is from two different McCain quotes. Like everyone else, I'm scared of a new Great Depression. Syndicates DEFINITELY won't be hiring cartoonists, and schools won't be needing Art teachers.
Here is how it will look in black and white when they run it in the Mapleton PRESS next week. And below is the original caricature from my sketchbook.

And in case anyone wants to save this sign and send it to all your Republican friends or turn it into a bumper sticker or post it on your MySpace of FaceBook-

Rejection #2

Well, here is my second rejection letter finally. This one was just for the column, no word yet from King Features on the cartoons. Those were two separate submissions. Pretty stationary, too bad my scanner didn't capture the watermark of their logo.

Cartoon for Sept 18 Mapleton PRESS

Barks like a duck, attacks like a duck... Now- I never caller her anything that rhymes with rich- you're reading something into this material.

I loved how Obama clarified his comments on David Letterman, McCain's policies are the pig- Sarah Palin is the lipstick! McCain used the "lipstick on a pig" line months before Obama about supposed liberal Democratic policies anyway. And don't forget, Palin called herself a pitbull with lipstick, even before she was picked for VP. Although some people say she's more of a lapdog since McCain's campaign won't let the press ask her any serious questions.


Here, I kind of wanted to see ahead of time how it will look in black and white:

Writer's block

Here's a bad business model; offer to draw things free for a student who works somewhere so that the place can use it for say, tee shirts, sweatshirts and water jug labels, then don't even ask for a sweatshirt in lieu of compensation. I like Moose's Fillin' Station, I enjoyed drawing this moose for them back in 2001, but I'm bummin that I don't have a moose shirt. Lesson learned.

Maybe it's not writer's block, maybe cartoonists get "Cartoonist's Block?" Whatever it is, I don't want to do another fat Freddie and Fanny falling on the tax payers cartoon like everybody seems to be drawing right now and frankly Sarah Palin makes me so mad I can't seem to think of any way to lampoon her. What's worse, I'm afraid that whatever I drew would only embolden her supporters all the more rather than persuade anyone into opposing her. Blech.

If anything I'm a little too wrapped up in this election (which has given me a great idea for a column- but not for any cartoons). I wish I could lighten up and see the humor in life instead of just being so anxious and indignant about effective Republican election strategies. Maybe it's time for more psychologist cartoons so that I can get unstuck from my imagined neurosis.

Meanwhile, still no new rejection notices, in spite of all the self-addressed, stamped envelopes I included. Maybe this is a good sign, maybe some editor somewhere is seriously considering me. Or maybe it's a bad sign, maybe all the syndicates are SO inundated with submissions that they can't ever get through them all.

On another front, I received an email from a writer down in the Florida Keys who fancies herself something of a female Hunter S. Thompson and said that she's looking for a Ralph Steadman. Once I read some of her stuff I'll see what I can come up with. Anything for a fellow Jimmy Buffet fan. But this time, I'm gonna ask for a tee shirt up front!

Introducing...

I know, I'm just a sexist pig. That's exactly the strategy that the GOP had in mind- should Liberals attack their VeeP candidate and they'll get to cry "sexist" and make us liberals look like a bunch of hypocrites. Listen, I think I'm letting her off easy with next week's cartoon- as if she's the victim, when it's more likely that she'll be the attack dog. But don't get me started on what I REALLY think of her.

Yes, this woman has provoked my ire so much, I even started an anti-Palin Facebook Group! Come join- http://www.facebook.com/note.php?note_id=24253491939&#/group.php?gid=25459575535

No new rejection notices yet- maybe no news is good news. I feel really bad about not drawing all matter of Maladjusted cartoons (or any non-political cartoons for that matter) but school has just been crazy. Coaching is turning out to be a bugger too lately. Hopefully I'll muster either some self-discipline or better yet, some sense of humor next week. Whine whine, moan moan, gripe, complain.

First rejection notice

Since I sent out my first packet of cartoons or columns the image I've held in my mind is that of Charlie Brown, sitting against his mailbox, waiting for a valentine.

As of this Friday, the picture I now have is of snoopy atop his doghouse, in front of his typewriter, reading a letter from a publisher rejecting his latest stab at the great American novel. "Dear sir,... Thank you for your recent submission... does not meet our needs at this time... cordially"

I would like to share it with you now, as sort of a badge of honor.

I mean no disrespect to the people at TMS by posting their letter here- and I certainly do hope that they will "keep me on their radar" (though since the returned my samples, I'm not sure how likely that is). As much as I enjoy fostering an image as a beleaguered, downtrodden victim of the corporate machine, I'm actually more proud of myself for trying than I am disappointed in the apparent failure.

On the one hand, I submitted to them first because my heroes as a teenager were columnist Mike Royko and cartoonist Jeff McNelly, both of the Chicago Tribune. Come to find out later, Royko spent a career loathing the Trib from his post at the Sun Times, and only came over to the Tribune when univerally reviled media mogul Rupert Murdoch (FOX) bought the Sun-Times.

On the other hand, I never thought I'd ever actually have the nerve to take a stab at this.
If nothing else, I can get my mother off my back, the next time she nags me about trying to make something of myself as a cartoonist or a writer. After all, I am a member of the most noble, most important, and most alturistic profession on earth- I teach. I may not be a full time professional cartoonist or writer, but hey- at least I'm not a lawyer, politician, or televangelist!

Blue news

Got my first rejection letter. From Tribune Media Services.

I'll scan and post it on tedstoons.blogspot on Monday, but now I'm off to the Cousin Campout.

Bummed out. ________________________________________________
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For Thurs Sept. 4

I have to admit it, Hillary had a great line in her speech last night. It inspired me this week.

One more down

Sending a packet to King Features today. Maybe a couple more to go for columns and one more for cartoons, unless searching the web uncovers any more syndicates that I've missed. I'll try to get my last three packets out by this Wednesday. No word back yet from any of them.

The other strategy I may take is the "self-syndicating" route. I'll prepare similar packets, only I'll change the cover letter and make up a price list or flier or something offering newspapers my features directly. If I do this, I think I'll start with the other papers published by Enterprise first. Brad, my publisher in Mapleton already let me know that it wasn't really cost effective for him to run my stuff in the Missouri Valley paper, but maybe if I sold the other editors and publishers in the company on it first, I could come back to him.

If I don't have much luck within the company, then I can always start working on neighboring papers in the region outside of Enterprise. Nothing ventured, nothing gained.

Inspirational quote

My motto. Of course, I think the water's cold, so I think I may be getting cramps. Serious case of writer's block for my Aug 28 column.

Lucky Strike

I found some stamps in my Dayrunner! Woo hoo!
I'm sending a packet to Universal Press Syndicate in KC today.
Seven down, four to go. No replies or returns yet.

For Aug 28, 08 Mapleton PRESS

I had thought about this idea for today's newspaper, but then I decided to go with that whole "Birth of Venus/Obama" thing since the convention is the 25th-29th. Guess I got things backward. It was actually a half-ways original idea when I thought of it back on Aug 14, since then every cartoonist and their brother have pretty much drawn a variation on this theme. Whatchyagonnado?

One more down

I sent an envelope to United Features Syndicate today. I have five more packets to send out, but I'm going to have to buy more stamps first.

I saw this great quote today

I saw this great quote on a magnet in Barnes & Noble today. I thought it made a pretty good motto for someone who's pursuing a dream in lieu of having a midlife crisis.

"It's never too late to be who you might have been."

~George Eliot (English novelist)

Second wave

Well, I'm sending envelopes off to Tribune Media Services and to Creator's Syndicate today. Wish me luck. Several more syndicates to go.

When high school seniors send off their college applications, they all talk about hoping to get into their favorite. I don't really have a favorite. Washington Post Writer's Group SOUNDS, prestigious, when I was in high school I had a notion that somehow it would be cool to work for the Chicago Tribune, Creator's kind of has an aura of being of the artists by the artists. All I know is that it's a leap.

A couple of my students saw my envelopes and thought it was really cool that I was trying this. We'll see!

Caricature

I had too much fun with this for it to be so tiny in an cartoon.
So here it is writ LARGE.
A few too many positive comments from conservatives on that cartoon for my blood, I may have to go back to being partisan.

Cartoon for the Aug 21 Mapleton PRESS

There, now you can't say I've never drawn an anti-Obama cartoon!

I'm mailing my first envelopes of columns and cartoons today, to the The Washington Post Writers Group. Wish me luck. Probably won't hear anything for a month or more.

Shoot a mile, I just realized something- (no doubt a pitfall of using Photoshop) I failed to put my signature on this one anywhere. Dang. Well, obviously I owe credit to Raphael and the Denver tourism bureau anyway.

Facing my fears

I'm trying to compile editorial cartoons, Maladjusted cartoons, and columns and composing a cover letter to send to a number of major syndicates. Wish me luck, I don't handle rejection well. This is a big step since I've claimed to have this be my dream my entire life- yet I've never bothered to put myself out there like this.

But as comedian Johnathan Winters once said, "If your ship doesn't come in, swim out to it!"

Who knows what will happen. Maybe I'm still not ready, but then, I've waited more than 25 years to take this step- how much longer can I put it off?

See the PDF of Editorial cartoons that I'm sending out.

See the PDF of the 'Maladjusted' and some other cartoons that I'm sending out.

See the PDF of Columns that I'm sending out.

For August 14 Mapleton PRESS

I like my caricature of McCain on the right better than the one on the left, the emotion really comes through. His teeth are so like they are in real life, forget about his heroic jaw. I'm also really proud of how smug Rove looks! Politics certainly does make for strange bedfellows, doesn't it? Someone who smeared McCain so bad in the South Carolina primary eight years ago is the very one who he hires to help him out now. Such is the Machiavellian nature of politics.

Rove loves to attack your strengths rather than weaknesses, Obama's too popular, Obama recommends saving on gas by inflating your tires... But maybe America finally is genuinely tired of negative campaigns. The ad comparing Obama to Paris and Brittany seems to have backfired pretty bad. I almost drew a cartoon endorsing Paris for President, but I thought that would be too easy- besides it would be treating a symptom, not the disease.

Mike Royko used to have a sign in his office; "Aquila non captat muscas" Eagles don't hunt flies. Okay, so I have a long way to go till I'm an eagle, point is why shoot low, aim high, right?

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Cartoon for August 7 Mapleton PRESS

"I love sweet corn. It truly is better than sex! I'm not lying! All across the Midwest tonight, a husband and wife will finish what husbands and wives do, and the wife will ask the husband: "How was that?" And, if the man is honest, he'll say "Well, it wasn't sweet corn, but it was nice." It's a fact! Sweet corn is better than sex!...fresh sweet corn!...Store bought sweet corn, yes, sex is definitely better than that!" ~Garrison Keillor


HOMEGROWN TOMATOES, by Guy Clark

Ain't nothin' in the world that I like better
Than bacon & lettuce & homegrown tomatoes
Up in the mornin' out in the garden

Get you a ripe one don't get a hard one
Plant `em in the spring eat `em in the summer
All winter with out `em's a culinary bummer
I forget all about the sweatin' & diggin'
Everytime I go out & pick me a big one

Homegrown tomatoes homegrown tomatoes
What'd life be without homegrown tomatoes
Only two things that money can't buy
That's true love & homegrown tomatoes

You can go out to eat & that's for sure
But it's nothin' a homegrown tomato won't cure
Put `em in a salad, put `em in a stew
You can make your very own tomato juice
Eat `em with egss, eat `em with gravy
Eat `em with beans, pinto or navy
Put `em on the site put `em in the middle
Put a homegrown tomato on a hotcake griddle

If I's to change this life I lead
I'd be Johnny Tomato Seed
`Cause I know what this country needs
Homegrown tomatoes in every yard you see
When I die don't bury me
In a box in a cemetery
Out in the garden would be much better
I could be pushin' up homegrown tomatoes

Take me home, Mountain Road

Here's the set I painted for our church's VBS this summer

Cartoon for the July 31, 08 PRESS

Elvis is IN the building, no wait, today he's still in Germany. Will it be another JFK? Or would that be counter productive? Is it too soon to come off too presidential?

Has anyone told McCain that there is no Chezkslovakia anymore, that Iraq and Afghanistan don't share a border, that Iran was training Hamas members, not Al Queda members, or how to use the internet? Is he senile or just dumb? And if Obam had made the same mistakes- especially in say a 2 week period, wouldn't the media have eaten him alive? And here's another thing- (and please forgive me for using these ugly words, it's just to make a point) if it's wrong for Jesse Jackson to use the word "nigger," why is it okay for McCain to use the word "Gook?" Isn't it insanely racist against Asians?

There was a time when I had patience for, even a level of comfort with McCain, but I just can't seem to take him seriously anymore.

The Rock Star

Obama greets crowds in Germany

The Dialectic of the Ages

The great debate

The great debate