First rejection notice

Since I sent out my first packet of cartoons or columns the image I've held in my mind is that of Charlie Brown, sitting against his mailbox, waiting for a valentine.

As of this Friday, the picture I now have is of snoopy atop his doghouse, in front of his typewriter, reading a letter from a publisher rejecting his latest stab at the great American novel. "Dear sir,... Thank you for your recent submission... does not meet our needs at this time... cordially"

I would like to share it with you now, as sort of a badge of honor.

I mean no disrespect to the people at TMS by posting their letter here- and I certainly do hope that they will "keep me on their radar" (though since the returned my samples, I'm not sure how likely that is). As much as I enjoy fostering an image as a beleaguered, downtrodden victim of the corporate machine, I'm actually more proud of myself for trying than I am disappointed in the apparent failure.

On the one hand, I submitted to them first because my heroes as a teenager were columnist Mike Royko and cartoonist Jeff McNelly, both of the Chicago Tribune. Come to find out later, Royko spent a career loathing the Trib from his post at the Sun Times, and only came over to the Tribune when univerally reviled media mogul Rupert Murdoch (FOX) bought the Sun-Times.

On the other hand, I never thought I'd ever actually have the nerve to take a stab at this.
If nothing else, I can get my mother off my back, the next time she nags me about trying to make something of myself as a cartoonist or a writer. After all, I am a member of the most noble, most important, and most alturistic profession on earth- I teach. I may not be a full time professional cartoonist or writer, but hey- at least I'm not a lawyer, politician, or televangelist!

Blue news

Got my first rejection letter. From Tribune Media Services.

I'll scan and post it on tedstoons.blogspot on Monday, but now I'm off to the Cousin Campout.

Bummed out. ________________________________________________
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For Thurs Sept. 4

I have to admit it, Hillary had a great line in her speech last night. It inspired me this week.

One more down

Sending a packet to King Features today. Maybe a couple more to go for columns and one more for cartoons, unless searching the web uncovers any more syndicates that I've missed. I'll try to get my last three packets out by this Wednesday. No word back yet from any of them.

The other strategy I may take is the "self-syndicating" route. I'll prepare similar packets, only I'll change the cover letter and make up a price list or flier or something offering newspapers my features directly. If I do this, I think I'll start with the other papers published by Enterprise first. Brad, my publisher in Mapleton already let me know that it wasn't really cost effective for him to run my stuff in the Missouri Valley paper, but maybe if I sold the other editors and publishers in the company on it first, I could come back to him.

If I don't have much luck within the company, then I can always start working on neighboring papers in the region outside of Enterprise. Nothing ventured, nothing gained.

Inspirational quote

My motto. Of course, I think the water's cold, so I think I may be getting cramps. Serious case of writer's block for my Aug 28 column.

Lucky Strike

I found some stamps in my Dayrunner! Woo hoo!
I'm sending a packet to Universal Press Syndicate in KC today.
Seven down, four to go. No replies or returns yet.

For Aug 28, 08 Mapleton PRESS

I had thought about this idea for today's newspaper, but then I decided to go with that whole "Birth of Venus/Obama" thing since the convention is the 25th-29th. Guess I got things backward. It was actually a half-ways original idea when I thought of it back on Aug 14, since then every cartoonist and their brother have pretty much drawn a variation on this theme. Whatchyagonnado?

One more down

I sent an envelope to United Features Syndicate today. I have five more packets to send out, but I'm going to have to buy more stamps first.

I saw this great quote today

I saw this great quote on a magnet in Barnes & Noble today. I thought it made a pretty good motto for someone who's pursuing a dream in lieu of having a midlife crisis.

"It's never too late to be who you might have been."

~George Eliot (English novelist)

Second wave

Well, I'm sending envelopes off to Tribune Media Services and to Creator's Syndicate today. Wish me luck. Several more syndicates to go.

When high school seniors send off their college applications, they all talk about hoping to get into their favorite. I don't really have a favorite. Washington Post Writer's Group SOUNDS, prestigious, when I was in high school I had a notion that somehow it would be cool to work for the Chicago Tribune, Creator's kind of has an aura of being of the artists by the artists. All I know is that it's a leap.

A couple of my students saw my envelopes and thought it was really cool that I was trying this. We'll see!

Caricature

I had too much fun with this for it to be so tiny in an cartoon.
So here it is writ LARGE.
A few too many positive comments from conservatives on that cartoon for my blood, I may have to go back to being partisan.

Cartoon for the Aug 21 Mapleton PRESS

There, now you can't say I've never drawn an anti-Obama cartoon!

I'm mailing my first envelopes of columns and cartoons today, to the The Washington Post Writers Group. Wish me luck. Probably won't hear anything for a month or more.

Shoot a mile, I just realized something- (no doubt a pitfall of using Photoshop) I failed to put my signature on this one anywhere. Dang. Well, obviously I owe credit to Raphael and the Denver tourism bureau anyway.

Facing my fears

I'm trying to compile editorial cartoons, Maladjusted cartoons, and columns and composing a cover letter to send to a number of major syndicates. Wish me luck, I don't handle rejection well. This is a big step since I've claimed to have this be my dream my entire life- yet I've never bothered to put myself out there like this.

But as comedian Johnathan Winters once said, "If your ship doesn't come in, swim out to it!"

Who knows what will happen. Maybe I'm still not ready, but then, I've waited more than 25 years to take this step- how much longer can I put it off?

See the PDF of Editorial cartoons that I'm sending out.

See the PDF of the 'Maladjusted' and some other cartoons that I'm sending out.

See the PDF of Columns that I'm sending out.

For August 14 Mapleton PRESS

I like my caricature of McCain on the right better than the one on the left, the emotion really comes through. His teeth are so like they are in real life, forget about his heroic jaw. I'm also really proud of how smug Rove looks! Politics certainly does make for strange bedfellows, doesn't it? Someone who smeared McCain so bad in the South Carolina primary eight years ago is the very one who he hires to help him out now. Such is the Machiavellian nature of politics.

Rove loves to attack your strengths rather than weaknesses, Obama's too popular, Obama recommends saving on gas by inflating your tires... But maybe America finally is genuinely tired of negative campaigns. The ad comparing Obama to Paris and Brittany seems to have backfired pretty bad. I almost drew a cartoon endorsing Paris for President, but I thought that would be too easy- besides it would be treating a symptom, not the disease.

Mike Royko used to have a sign in his office; "Aquila non captat muscas" Eagles don't hunt flies. Okay, so I have a long way to go till I'm an eagle, point is why shoot low, aim high, right?

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Cartoon for August 7 Mapleton PRESS

"I love sweet corn. It truly is better than sex! I'm not lying! All across the Midwest tonight, a husband and wife will finish what husbands and wives do, and the wife will ask the husband: "How was that?" And, if the man is honest, he'll say "Well, it wasn't sweet corn, but it was nice." It's a fact! Sweet corn is better than sex!...fresh sweet corn!...Store bought sweet corn, yes, sex is definitely better than that!" ~Garrison Keillor


HOMEGROWN TOMATOES, by Guy Clark

Ain't nothin' in the world that I like better
Than bacon & lettuce & homegrown tomatoes
Up in the mornin' out in the garden

Get you a ripe one don't get a hard one
Plant `em in the spring eat `em in the summer
All winter with out `em's a culinary bummer
I forget all about the sweatin' & diggin'
Everytime I go out & pick me a big one

Homegrown tomatoes homegrown tomatoes
What'd life be without homegrown tomatoes
Only two things that money can't buy
That's true love & homegrown tomatoes

You can go out to eat & that's for sure
But it's nothin' a homegrown tomato won't cure
Put `em in a salad, put `em in a stew
You can make your very own tomato juice
Eat `em with egss, eat `em with gravy
Eat `em with beans, pinto or navy
Put `em on the site put `em in the middle
Put a homegrown tomato on a hotcake griddle

If I's to change this life I lead
I'd be Johnny Tomato Seed
`Cause I know what this country needs
Homegrown tomatoes in every yard you see
When I die don't bury me
In a box in a cemetery
Out in the garden would be much better
I could be pushin' up homegrown tomatoes

Take me home, Mountain Road

Here's the set I painted for our church's VBS this summer

Cartoon for the July 31, 08 PRESS

Elvis is IN the building, no wait, today he's still in Germany. Will it be another JFK? Or would that be counter productive? Is it too soon to come off too presidential?

Has anyone told McCain that there is no Chezkslovakia anymore, that Iraq and Afghanistan don't share a border, that Iran was training Hamas members, not Al Queda members, or how to use the internet? Is he senile or just dumb? And if Obam had made the same mistakes- especially in say a 2 week period, wouldn't the media have eaten him alive? And here's another thing- (and please forgive me for using these ugly words, it's just to make a point) if it's wrong for Jesse Jackson to use the word "nigger," why is it okay for McCain to use the word "Gook?" Isn't it insanely racist against Asians?

There was a time when I had patience for, even a level of comfort with McCain, but I just can't seem to take him seriously anymore.

The Rock Star

Obama greets crowds in Germany

The Dialectic of the Ages

The great debate

The great debate

For July 24, 08 M.PRESS

He's at it again! Not many people will recognize subcommittee chairman Nedler from New York, but what can I say- I like those kinds of subtle details.

Allow me to suggest you also check out www.kingwatch.org to see what other embarrassing things my Congressman has been up to- like asking Scott McClellan “Couldn’t you have taken this to the grave with you and done this country a favor?” while the committee was asking him about the Bush Administration. Or of course the classic, when he announced his re-election he said that if Barack Obama gets elected "then the, the radical Islamists, the, the al-Qaida, and the radical Islamists and their supporters, will be dancing in the streets in greater numbers than they did on September 11…."

And I know cartoonists are supposed to be equal opportunity offenders, rather than partisan- but if you happen to live in Iowa's 5th District, may I also recommend www.hublercongress.com. Rob Hubler is a veteran, a pastor and counselor, and he believes in responsible representation for Iowans- as opposed to extremist, immature representation for special intrest groups and lobbyist money.

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Political Cartoonists of the world unite!

For the July 17 PRESS

Screw politics (this week)

Cartoon for the July 3 PRESS

Summer with 3 kids is a lot crazier than you'd ever imagine. I swear I'll try to draw some more maladjusted cartoons soon. I don't think "successful" freelancers have lives. I don't know how they do it. If you are fortunate to cartoon for a living, you can escape everyone and everything and just take care of it. Sure, I'm a teacher on summer vacation, but there was the workshop to get re-certified to teach web design, and the truckloads of yearbook proofs and the school website, and the cheer camp... not to mention all my own family's activities. This is a great hobby, but if I'm really going to make a go at making it more than a hobby, I guess I'm going to have to be more disciplined and either stay up later or get up earlier.

Something I want to push for

Nebraska Senator Chuck Hagel is a Vietnam vet like McCain, only he hasn't sold out. A Bi-Partisan Presidential ticket? Now THAT's change we could believe in!

Cartoon for the June 26 PRESS

Cartoon for the June 19 Mapleton PRESS

Cartoon for the June 12 Mapleton PRESS

Thought I'd actually draw again this week instead of just juxtaposing stuff. Alas, once again, it will be hopelessly out dated by the time it gets published!

Goebbels says he believed in Bush as war started

WASHINGTON (AP) — Former White House Press Secretary Scott McClellan says he didn't object to the way the war in Iraq was sold to the American people at the time because he, like other Americans, gave the president the benefit of the doubt.

McClellan says in his new memoir that he came to realize that the war was sold with propaganda that inflated the threat posed by Saddam Hussein. He says administration officials didn't deliberately lie — but they became wrapped up in trying to shape the story to their advantage, and ignored intelligence that didn't fit the picture.

---

Note- I guess I haven't decided yet whether to use this for the June 6 Mapleton PRESS. Anytime you employ the NAZIs you're being heavy handed, but then again, cartoons are nothing if they're not hyperbolic. But of course, little Scotty McClellen was never as powerful as Josef Goebbels. Most people might think Karl Rove was more like Goebbels. Although Himmler has Roves round face and hairline. Whatever.

Anyway, raving reactionary that I am- I just couldn't let this bit of current events go unreacted to. I wonder what Indiana Jones would've thought of our current administration and the Iraq war. I wonder how many artifacts were lost that could've been in a museum. How could an archaeologist discover lost emails?

OOPS!- The first time I put this together, there was a gross historical inaccuracy in my analogy. Rove would be more like Himmler- mastermind of the Holocaust, whereas Goebbels was in charge of propaganda, more along the lines of a Press Secretary. Shoot- that's what being reactionary gets you, bad aim. My History professors would be ashamed. Sorry Dr. Fiala. Guess I'll try something else this week. Still, you gotta admit that it looks pretty cool!

At least, I hope that you dear readers, appreciate the transparency with which I let you in on my creative process.

Trivia tid-bits- Himmler committed suicide after turning himself over British forces this week in 1945! Goebbels remained with Hitler till the bitter end where he killed his wife and family before committing suicide in Hitler's bunker. Whereas Scotty McClellen is cashing in an a 7-figure book deal. But at least if we're lucky, it will help get Rove or Cheney prosecuted for something eventually.

The nut doesn't fall far from the family tree

Cartoon for May 29, 08 Mapleton PRESS

You'll have to click on this one to be able to read the captions under the elders, but I promise, it's worth it.

Once again, I'm posting on the day I get done, rather than the publication day, and once again, I'm hopelessly out dated. But doggone it, like Indiana Jones, I hate NAZIs almost as much as I hate hypocrites.

From April 1944 on, the American Air Force could have destroyed the camp with air raids, as well as the railway bridges and railway lines from Hungary to Auschwitz. The murder of about 400,000 Hungarian Holocaust victims could have been prevented.

A January 22 1944 executive order signed by President Franklin Roosevelt calling on the government to take all measures to rescue the European Jews. That order was ignored because of pressure brought by a group of big American companies, including BBH, where Prescott Bush was a director.

Some legacy. But by God, he's a "born-again-Christian" who's opposed to abortion and gay marriage. More guys like him and maybe we can get prayer back in public schools and evolution out of them!

When will Christian voters get a clue. Republicans are about money and eliminating the middle-class, they only SAY they're for those socially conservative, traditional, "family values" issues to get your vote. Really, they're about money and power for themselves and their cronies.

I bet we make Jesus cry. One of my favorite bumper stickers is "Drive Republicans crazy, live like Jesus."

Okay, okay, I'll shut up. Cartoonists are supposed to be funny, not preachy. Besides, the more I write about it, the more I look like some kind of conspiracy theorist crank. But I still can't believe that he had the gall to say what he did, on foreign soil, when he's not running for re-election, in front of the Israeli parliament on the anniversary of the Jewish state- especially with his family's background!

Sigh. I only wish more Americans had noticed or given a rip.

"I, the LORD your God, am a jealous God, punishing the children for the sin of the fathers to the third and fourth generation of those who hate me, but showing love to a thousand generations of those who love me and keep my commandments" ~Exodus 20:5-6

Cartoon for May 22, 08 Mapleton PRESS

Lately I've been wishing this was my real job and I had to do it daily instead of weekly- not so much because it was my dream when I was a kid, but lately because there's so much to draw about. My readers in rural western Iowa care about the Farm Bill, but come on, George W. Bush, grandson of Prescott Bush (NAZI sympathizer) standing in the Knesset itself, comparing Obama to Neville Chamberlain! That's PRICELESS! Last week Hillary Clinton was on Bill O'Reilly! Ron Paul was on NPR. McCain talking about getting out of Iraq by 2013. You can't get any more surreal than this year.

Great Quote

"Don't worry about the world coming to an end today. It's already tomorrow in Australia"

~Charles M. Schultz

Bumb Rushed